While some people find it easy to connect with others, some may struggle.
Regardless of where you stand, you can improve your core communication skills to relate more effectively with those around you.
Written by Katie Boushall
Reviewed by Daniel Gonzalez
Some people find it easy to connect with others, while others struggle. It’s common to have thoughts like, “Does this person like me?” or “Am I saying the right things?” However, focusing too much on these thoughts can pull you out of the present moment, making it harder to relate to others effectively.
In this “Building Psychological Independence” insight, we’ll explore how to relate to others more effectively. According to Japanese researchers Mikiko Oda and Shin-ichi Yoshioka, connecting with others is an important part of psychological independence. If you find this challenging, that’s okay – many people do. There are practical steps you can take to improve. By learning and practicing these skills, you can gradually become better at connecting with others.
Even if you find it easy to make connections, it’s worth continuing to read. Communication is a continuous practice, much like going to the gym to stay physically fit. By continually learning and improving your communication skills, you can keep this important aspect of your life strong.
Now that you know how important it is to connect with others, let’s talk about what that really means. Connecting with someone is about finding common ground. The key is to adjust your behavior to fit the specific situation. For example, the way you act at work is different from how you act with family or friends. To connect well with others, you need to understand what’s appropriate in each setting.
One way to do this is by watching how people around you interact. This helps you get in sync with others, so everyone is on the same page.
But even when you understand the situation, misunderstanding can still happen. These miscommunications can occur for various reasons. When they do, staying focused on the present moment can help you clear things up and reconnect.
If you observe that an environment’s dynamics conflict with your values, remember that you might not necessarily have to stay there. While some people may be restricted by circumstances, others have the option to leave. Use your observations to decide if staying aligns with your values. If it doesn’t, and you can leave, consider making a change.
You can make clear observations by staying anchored in the present moment. This involves being aware of your inner experience – your thoughts, emotions, and feelings – as well as the external environment – other people, objects, and surroundings. By consciously naming aspects of your internal and external world, you can better distinguish between the two.
Focusing on the present can prevent you from projecting your inner thoughts onto the outside world. It also enhances your ability to observe your surroundings and determine if an environment is a good fit for you.
Focusing on the present moment means tuning into how you feel inside and what’s happening around you. Instead of simply reacting to your thoughts and emotions when you enter a new environment, take a moment to notice what you see, hear, and feel. By becoming more aware of your surroundings, you can respond more effectively to what’s happening and connect better with others.
Oda, M., & Yoshioka, S.-I. (2021, January 15).Factors Influencing Psychological Independence in Adolescents and Their Relationship to Coaching-based Support from Significant Others. National Library of Medicine . https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7902167/
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). APA Dictionary of Psychology. American Psychological Association. https://dictionary.apa.org/sympathy
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Relate. Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/relate
Cambridge University Press & Assessment. (n.d.). Appropriately. Cambridge Dictionary. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/appropriately
American Psychological Association. (n.d.-a). APA Dictionary of Psychology. American Psychological Association. https://dictionary.apa.org/reality-awareness
